Dear,
I am writing to share about a worry that has overwhelmed me for a while. I work as a super demand material writing job with tight deadlines and busy in most days of the week. However, it really affects my friendship with some of my close friends.
While my friends do not complain directly, they mention it in subtle ways during our conversation on our group chat on WhatsApp and Instagram. I initially felt that they tease me, but now it seems that they are really upset with me who are not able to meet them often.
We probably meet twice a year and when our schedules align, but it is mostly due to my highly busy routine. I wanted to ask you how to address this issue and understand my friends that I love them, but my job is equally important for me that is to protect myself financially. I am afraid of losing my friendship and can actually use some support in navigating this situation. Thank you!
– A busy friend
Dear busy friend,
Balancing work and personal relationships can be heavy, especially when your job is demanding and consumes most of your time. I can understand why you must be feeling like this.
I see how deeply you give importance to your friendship by recognizing the importance of your work. Both are two very important aspects of life, where relationships meet our social and emotional needs and provide work with purpose, stability and development.
Like anything living, relationships require care, nutrition and attempts to grow, and I feel your worry about losing them.
A good starting point for you is to first accept how your friends feel and express how you feel.
Effective communication in relationships is a fundamental skill (which can be learned and developed) where most often, we expect other people know how we are feeling. The truth is that, others do not know our intentions, they only look at our actions. It is our responsibility to express their intentions and tell them what is going on.
In a similar sense, I will encourage you to tell your friends to tell you how you feel. Tell them how much they mean to you, how you have seen their concerns, that you miss them and like to meet them more often, but at the same time so much is captured with work. Tell them that the value that your work provides and the needs and stability is fulfilled is both important for you.
At the same time, in life, we will have to take time for what exactly matters. If your friendship is important to you, find ways to prioritize them. If you cannot find them often, you can find other ways to keep the connection alive.
Small efforts set a long way. For example, check regular calls, Ins, text messages or plan further for meat ups – you can help keep the bond strong.
This will help you meet your relationship needs for love and connection and help create a balanced life and prevent burnouts.
True friendship develops over time, and with honest communication and frequent efforts, they can also withstand the busiest of the schedule.
You get success!
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychiatrist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate welfare strategist and trainer who focuses on increasing awareness about well and mental health with expertise in creating organizational cultures.
Send him your questions (email protected)
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