Hi haya,
I am a single mother of three children and divorced a year ago. I have tried my best to go back to my feet for my children, but I find it very difficult to be inspired sometimes.
After my divorce, I was living with my family for a few months, but managed to find a place for the children and themselves, so that we do not give the burden on anyone. I am proud of that huge decision because it was impossible to stay in that wedding. It is also a relief that my children, who are witness to my suffering, are supporters of my decision, but sometimes I feel sad that they have to live a struggling life because of me. I am doing my best performance and providing them for them through a teaching job, but I know that they all have to work hard to give them, they need to lead a good life.
I wanted to ask you how I can keep inspired, not necessarily for myself, but for my children who are now completely dependent on me. I feel very lost and destroyed in this journey. Please guide.
– A Demotive Single Mother
Dear single mother,
First of all, I want to accept the incredible power and flexibility you shown in navigating such a challenging period of my life. It takes great courage to decide to leave an impossible situation and make a life for yourself and your children. The love and determination you have for your children is very clear in your words and your greatest motivators, even if it does not feel so.
It is clear that you are already doing an incredible work as a mother, even if you cannot always feel like this. The fact that your children support your decision, it shows that they look at your strength and appreciate, even if they do not express it all the time.
Lost and decomposing is completely natural for you, especially when you are taking so much anxiety and responsibility. You are navigating both the emotional weight of your divorce and the practical challenges of being a single mother, which is not a small infection.
Before we move forward, I would like you to stay and recognize how far you have come and accept your journey till now. Sometimes we focus on looking forward, we forget how far we have come.
When it comes to inspiration, it is an ineffective strategy to always expect to be inspired. Inspiration comes and goes and thus not reliable. However, something that can continue you is connecting with your “why” – your purpose. What do you do what do you do? And what you have shared, your “Why” lies deeply in creating a better and healthy life for your children. When things become difficult, you are reminiscent of the progress made by you and the vision you have can help you maintain.
The following are some things that I will consciously encourage you to do:
Focus and accept your small win
We often get so stuck that we have to go so far that we ignore how much progress we have already made. Focusing on the final target can make it feel heavy, instead focusing on the next small step. Remind yourself of the obstacles that you have already overcome – such as finding a house for your family and keeping your teaching job – can help you appreciate how far you have come and the progress you are continuing.
Take some time for yourself
This may seem impossible to you, but it can also be 10 to 20 minutes before children wake up. A small simple routine can make you feel more grounded and in control before starting the day, which increases you mental and emotional stability. To take care of your children, you first need to take care of yourself.
Bend to your support system
While you have made incredible progress in creating freedom, stay connected to supportive friends or family members or even similar travel people can help lighten your emotional load. A brief conversation with someone that understands can make a difference.
Self-compassion practice
It is normal to feel crime or self-doubt as a mother, especially. When these emotions arise, try to talk to yourself such as for a close friend – with mercy and understanding. Remind yourself that providing a love, peaceful environment for your children is already a tremendous gift.
Process your feelings
You have done a lot and as much as you need to keep moving forward, you also need to process what you have done and mourn the life you thought. I would advise you to work with a physician for some time to help in this process.
Pay attention to progress, not perfection
Your children do not need an ideal life – they need a happy and flexible mother. By giving priority to your goodness along with them, you are teaching them powerful lessons about courage and perseverance.
Best wishes for your journey further, you are doing a remarkable work – a day a day. Best wishes to you
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychiatrist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate welfare strategist and trainer who focuses on increasing awareness about well and mental health with expertise in creating organizational cultures.
Send him your questions (email protected)
Note: The above advice and opinion belongs to the author and specific to Query. We strongly recommend our readers to consult relevant experts or professionals for personal advice and solution. Writer and Geo.TV do not consider any responsibility for the results of the work done on the basis of the information given here. All published pieces are subject to editing to increase grammar and clarity.
