There are two words that slip so easily when your child experiences an emotional event. They may be trapped and a fight or fell with a friend. His face pieces, and before he got a chance to speak, you say: “You are fine.”
It looks comfortable. Confused, even. But this is not. As a Alert rearing coach And advocating the emotional health of children, I have studied more than 200 children-and I have seen this well intentions and highly used phrases due to long-term damage in ways that mostly parents never feel.
In fact, because it seems so harmless at the first time, it is the most dangerous phrase in parenting. Why is it here, and what to say instead:
1. It teaches children to doubt their feelings.
When a child gets upset and hears “you are fine,” this sends a misleading message: What I feel should not be real. Over time, it distinguishes them from their inner emotional world and teaches them to mistrust their tendency.
2. This invalid their experience when they need you the most.
You can say it with love, but a child hears: “Your feelings don’t matter.” Dismissal – Although subtle – teaches them that rest and connections are available only when they are calm and convenient. This is the place where emotional suppression begins.
3. It short-sketes emotional processing.
Emotions are to move forward through the body. When we inhibit that natural process with premature assurances, we loot children’s ability to recognize, name and regulate their feelings. Instead of creating flexibility, we are creating an avoidance.
4. It teaches that love is conditional.
Without realizing it, phrases like “UR OK,”, “Stop crying,” or “not intimidated”, children should suppress their feelings to believe that they are accepted. And when the love feels conditional, emotional security – a lot of mental health is exposed.
5. This can resume a child’s stress response.
The nervous system develops repeatedly through experiences. When a child is disturbed and from dismissal rather than support, his body learns that expressing emotions is not safe. Over time, it can reopen their nervous system to expect disconnection, which can make it difficult to believe, regulate and be completely safe.
What to say instead of ‘you are right’
Children do not require a fix – they need to feel. And even more important, they need to know this Safe To feel, especially with you.
Here are powerful options that validate their inner world and create emotional power:
- “I believe in you.”
- “Your feelings are understood.”
- “I am here with you.”
- “You don’t have to recover now.”
- “I saw what happened. How are you feeling?”
These phrases do more than calm. They strengthen. They teach your child: My feelings matters. I can trust myself. I am not alone.
These reactions practice. You will still say “you are fine”. And this is also fine. The goal is to practice conscious parenting: notice our pattern and choosing moment -to -papers, answering in ways that create emotional security rather than weakening it.
These moments may look shorter, but they actually help create a child’s emotional foundation. And in a world where anxiety, depression and disconnection is increasing, how we protect our children’s mental health – a moment of emotional security at a time.
Reem Rowda A conscious parenting and a leading voice in the manufacturer foundation – Transformative healing journal for parents, prepared to break bicycles, do internal work, and become emotionally safe parents that their child needs. He is widely identified for his groundbreaking work in the emotional security of children and strengthens the bond of parents’ child. Her ffollow Instagram,
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